When I relaunched my blog this time around I told myself that I would only write about my creative ideas, process and execution. I figured I would promote my own and the work of friends. We all need to support each other in this industry.
However my lack of entries are not because I am neglectful towards my tiny space on the interwebs. Since the entry regarding The Adventures of Fonzy, life has become… difficult.
Difficult isn’t exactly the word that I am looking for.
Challenging. That sounds more like it.
These challenges that I’ve been facing began on the outside. Losing my day job. Concerns over paying off my massive, international school debt. Paying rent. Normal adult things that people worry about. Unfortunately these outer concerns began to affect me on the inside. Being unable to find work begins to make one feel inadequate. You begin to question your worth and ask why no one will give you a chance to prove that you are, in fact, completely capable of the tasks set before you. Creatively, I pushed it aside because I am too anxious to think about staying at home working on new pieces when I feel I should be looking for work instead. This build even more anxiety. Anxieties feeding into more anxieties. Questioning whether or not you made the right decisions about your education. Questioning your path in life. Anxieties feeding anxieties. And let me tell you, it is very easy to fall into this pattern. This is the part where I officially let you all know that I have never been so anxious in my entire life.
Now, I know that I’m not the only person who is going through this situation. In fact, I’m sure most of you have reached a point similar to this, if you aren’t going through it right now.
The one thing that I find that I can’t lose sight of is the fact that I have probably done more for myself (to help myself and to move forward from the past) in the past 10 weeks than I have in a couple of years – education aside. It’s very easy to forget about the things that you HAVE accomplished when everything around you is making feel like you aren’t doing enough.
Despite the fact that the big picture right now is a little fuzzy – OK, very fuzzy – it’s necessary to remember what is going well for you. There is always something, even if it’s necessary to write a list of things that make you feel good. The first thing on my list is cupcakes. Simply, cupcakes. The second thing is doughnuts. I should also add that burritos and nachos are also on the list which leads me to believe that I either have a food problem or I was very hungry when I wrote that list. I digress.
I wish I had the perfect way to end this entry. But I don’t. I’m putting this out there into the series of tubes hoping that it reaches another person just like me who is going through the same vicious cycle. Hey you – YES YOU. I hear you. I feel you. I know you’re struggling. And just so you know, I am going through the same thing. Drop me a line. We can have nachos and vent about struggles of being a grown up.
Now back to your regularly scheduled blog-gram.